Signs

Oh dear, I have been a terrible role model the last weekend. I had a fantastic time but my poor system must be in turmoil. I think a valve popped somewhere in my brain. After almost a year of doing this diet something inside me said, "come on, live a little!"

It was my husbands birthday weekend. It was never going to be a sober affair but I decided just to let go and make up for it with lots of healthy food this week.

We started off with drinks on our roof top so I made some pimms and lemonade (for those of you who want this recipe I will provide as it is delicious, but I won't post as I don't want to encourage alcohol consumption to all my fellow endo suffers). Then we went for dinner - there was a group of about 12 of us. The thing about summer is I don't really drink wine. I kind of go off it a little bit, too heavy or something. I don't drink spirits as such, things like vodka tonic, gin and tonic - too strong - so I wanted something in between. I went for a mai thai, really its the only cocktail that I know and in absence of a menu its easy to order. So, I had a couple of them. I did have asian rice noodles to eat with tofu (no meat) so felt somewhat virtuous. Then we went to another bar and of course I didn't really care at this point, so ordered another mai thai, even though getting quite sick of them by now. The funny thing was that when it came it was a frozen margharita - the waitress said the bartender had had to look up the recipe! Not sure where he looked it up from but it wasn't a very good book he had. It really should have been a sign. But no, I persevered to try to get my Mai Thai. What came the second time was a vodka and orange cordial thing. I drank about half of it. Needless to say I should not have done that. I have not drank so much in a long long time. It was great fun but I was suffering yesterday. Not good. We had made plans to go to the vineyards of Virginia for a day of wine tasting. I was the designated driver anyway so didn't have to partake, thank goodness. It was a very badly disorganised day on my part as I had no food prepared. Someone else bought cheese and crackers so I had that because I was so hungry by lunchtime but they were obviously wheat crackers so another strike out!
That was all we had to eat the whole day. Then, when I should have been thinking about going home to a nice brown rice dish or something my head just kept telling me I wanted pizza. Then David asked me what I wanted for dinner. I said - 'I really want pizza but I know I'm not supposed to'. He is normally very good about supporting what I can and can't eat but he really, really wanted pizza too so he didn't put up much of an argument. All my willpower failed and we ordered from Dominos. The pizza took an hour and a half to turn up after 2 calls to the shop. It should have been another sign, but I was really hungry at that point. I had about 4 slices of pizza and went to bed feeling very annoyed with myself but also strangely satisfied.

On another matter, I am going for an IVF consult on friday. This will be our second attempt. I am trying a new clinic this time. I really liked my previous RE but the clinic that he uses - not so much. Its a shame. This new clinic is part of a hospital so we'll see, I really like the doctor there too. Of course it all depends on the finances too. I haven't done the sums yet and it will depend what protocol they want to use and how much the drugs will be, etc. I did not respond well the last time so the drugs this time are likely to be a higer dose therefore more expensive.
I have really enjoyed the last few months which has basically been a fertility holiday and am reluctant to start the whole process again but I know if we don't try I'll always wonder 'what if'?